Today was introduction day at my school. I’ll be starting my second year. I’m quite excited, since this year will focus way more on practice rather than theory. We won’t have any theoretical tests at all, and our theory classes will focus on what we’ll need in the lab.

When I started, I thought I would like theory better, since I went to a “Groenschool” (green school) for secondary school. We had practical classes in cooking, flower arrangement, and animal care (particularly farm animals). I never liked those classes, I’m not a farm boy at all which I should have known since I grew up in a city. I just went to that school because my teacher requested it when I was in primary school.

But of course vocational school is different, I got to pick the kind of work I’m interested in. If everything goes well, I’ll start an internship next year!

I’m excited but a bit nervous. My first year I went to the school’s location in my home city, this year I have to go to another city. I kind of hate public transport, it takes longer than by car or bike. But I don’t have a car, and I never met a bike I liked either. It makes me nervous since I’ll have to take multiple buses and a train, and with every layover (probably not the correct word in this context?) offers up a chance of missing a bus or the train. Also, things are understandably busy in the morning and around dinner time when I’ll be done. I have to hope that things go smoothly. I did find a way to school that only has one bus and one train, so that there’s a higher chance I’ll be on time. But the travel time isn’t any quicker that way. There’s some new buses and they don’t have wifi right now, which they hopefully will change (there’s a lot to hope for right now!). Last year, I had some mental problems that made it hard for me to go to school (well, I’ve had these problems for a bit, honestly) and I also get minor headaches during school that happen nearly every time (maybe because the school has such bright lights) so I’m afraid these problems will make it hard for me this year as well, especially with the longer & earlier commute. I really want to finish on time so I can get a job, I already took a gap year for some very personal reasons halfway through my 1st year (so I had to do the first year twice, sort of).

Anyways, I’m nervous but hopeful! The actual school year starts next week and my schedule isn’t that bad all things considered.

Bye!

Reading today: finished A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki. Unsure of what to pick up next.

Watched __ while writing this entry: A rich lady wrote a book about her cheater husband leaving her and it had me CLUTCHING my pearls by readwithcindy on YouTube.

It astounds me how stupid people can be online. Racism, homophobia and transphobia are on the rise both online and offline, and people are way too comfortable forming and sharing opinions that are harmful to these communities — often when they clearly haven’t met a lot of people within these groups before. For example, if someone actually knew a trans man in real life they would know male privilege doesn’t immediately fall upon a trans man’s doorstep the second he realizes he’s transgender. Many trans people know they’re trans and don’t begin transitioning immediately, and even when they do a transition takes a really long time and not every person transitions the same way.

One thing I saw a bit ago was people saying “gay men are still men”. And this isn’t a combat against the homophobic stereotype that gay men are less of a man (and that lesbian women are less of a woman) because of his sexuality. Instead, it’s a feminist phrase, attempting to call out the rampant sexism going on amongst gay men.

The people who love this phrase are openly admitting a very strange view they have. Of course gay men are men! Why are they acting like it’s some new revelation, a recently discovered fact? Because to them, a gay man is only manly if he acts violently. It’s inexcusable for someone to be violent against anyone, but to act as if that violence is the only thing that defines someone’s gender is a problematic belief. Would that gay man be less of a man if he weren’t sexist (or violent to other people in general, since I’ve also sometimes seen this phrase used in the context of a gay man being abusive towards a partner), just because he happens to be gay?

Again, sexism in gay spaces needs to be addressed, but I’m pretty sure these sexist behaviours have been called out before by other people within those spaces (for example, lesbians often felt pushed to the side within gay organisations because of how the men behaved), so it’s not like everyone turned a blind eye until the phrase “gay men are still men” came around. There’s ways to address problems without feeding into another issue.

Lately, people have forgotten that just because you’re oppressed in one facet of your being, doesn’t mean that you can’t be the oppressor in the other. From what I see online, it’s often women right now who love feeding into transphobic discussions because they have faced misogyny. But, a gay man can be hated because of his sexuality while he continues to uphold misogynistic language and actions. Just like how a black person can be homophobic, or a woman transphobic. Misogyny, racism, homo- and transphobia are deep rooted social issues, and being one thing doesn’t exempt you from being another, not when you’ve probably been raised to believe something and refuse to dismantle that harmful ideology. There’s a lot of infighting too, trans people aren’t taken seriously because of neopronouns (how often have actually seen someone using neopronouns online, let alone offline, and even so, who cares?), something along those lines, but that’s not it! Things are worse for trans people (and gay people, and people of colour) because there’s still people out there who think doing the bare minimum is enough. They believe that as long as they don’t commit physical violence against an oppressed person, as long as they don’t shout to them on the street, that means that they’re not an oppressor. Posting harmful things online in a calm, “educational” manner is alright, making phrases that insinuate harmful stereotypes is alright.

I hope that tides shift soon. I’m in a good situation: I only see this stuff online. There’s people who face it both online and in real life, people who can’t close a comment section, people being harassed and hospitalized and murdered. But it’s still disheartening to see. Back when I was in primary and secondary school, as I became more and more confident in my gender identity and sexuality, I had a safe space online. In secondary school, I was surrounded by people who casually said heinous shit about gay people (about corrective rape, about not wanting to be friends with gay people, about not being allowed to watch shows with gay characters, etc.) and I had a safe space online. We joke about how the internet was like in 2020, and it did have its issues, but that was such a safe space for me and many young people who were figuring themselves out. It feels like we’re sliding back, like everything my gay and trans ancestors fought for is slowly being lost. In many countries, including my own, it’s legal to be gay, it’s safer than it was in the eighties, and yet we’re not losing the ghosts of these prejudices. They linger and I’m afraid if we keep fighting within ourselves, we will get distracted from the people who actually want to take our rights away. In 2015, gay marriage became legal in America, and now eleven years later there’s still people who want to take that away. There’s women dying because they can’t receive the health care they need. There's police, killing instead of protecting. Instead of being worried about that, some people are focusing on small groups who themselves face such struggles, such fears surrounding their autonomy and safety, instead of the people who hold the power.

28.08.26: Coming back to this, I do want to say that I fully understand what the phrase "gay men are still men" is trying to do, but I do feel like it does it poorly. Instead of having a proper conversation, people are reaching for quick, easy slogans that attempt to simplify a complex issue. Also, I'm not trying to stand up for mysogynistic gay men, nor am I trying to vilianize women for talking about their experiences. I have experienced strange experiences with a gay man joking about my genitals and reminding me constantly of what I have "down there" (reminder: I'm a pre-transition trans man), so I understand the feeling that gay men are way too comfortable sometimes, I just think this specific slogan is a bit weird. I do think disagreeing with me is okay in this instance, since I have seen people have differing interpretations of this phrase. Maybe it's a good phrase that I've just personally seen used in malicious ways, or maybe I have this differing view now than I might have had if I saw this earlier, before my FYP was filled with bioessentialist bullshit.

I went on a spontaneous trip to Nijmegen’s city center with my brother today. He suddenly came up to me and asked if I wanted to go.

He’s on some sort of self-improvement kick I think, since he wanted to buy some new clothes and perfume (he has perfume already, I’m not calling him stinky here). This isn’t something my brother often wants — he’s never been the shopping type. But it was nice.

I didn’t buy clothes, we went to Ieder Z’n Vak, which I recommend going to if you’re ever in Nijmegen’s city center. It’s this store that offers artists and crafters a space to sell their stuff (apparently, a while ago, my uncle used to sell his stuff there). It has a lot of variety because of this, and I could spend hours there going from shelf to shelf.

I bought three stickers there and a postcard. We went to Kenji also, since I wanted to buy some stick-on patches for my journal cover. Finally, I bought a really nice room spray. I was never the shopping kind either but I’ve opened my heart up to it now that I can go alone, with my brother, or with a friend. As a child going to the city with my mother and sister, I never went to a store with stuff I liked because I’m quite different from them (probably because of my age) and I never realized I could also ask them to go somewhere with stuff I liked. Now that I have a couple places I love, shopping is a fun experience. This summer has been quite eventful. I have a student transport card so on weekdays I don’t have to pay for public transport, so I’m less reluctant to go on random trips with my brother.

During school I won’t be able to do this as much. Weekends are always my relaxing days so I’m hesitant to go out far from home. So I guess I just wanted to do as much as possible this summer break. Though I’m thinking of trying to do stuff during school weeks anyways. On one day of the week, because my teacher is kind and most of my class comes from a city outside of where the school is located, we have online classes (otherwise many of us would spend more time on the train than in class). I need to have a healthier balance between my regular life and “professional” life. I’m hoping to find stuff I can do that isn't too expensive. There’s probably some places that offer student discounts, too. I really want to go to a museum at some point.

Tomorrow my mother and I are going to a bead shop. I’ve had an interest in making beaded jewelry for a while, and my mother has picked it up recently. She realized she needed glasses a little over a week ago while making a necklace. Now she has two nice pairs and wants to celebrate with some more beads.

And then from Monday on it’s school time. I’m going to try my hardest. I’m not going to let it exhaust me again, or let it take all my hobbies.

Otherwise, nothing happened today. Bye!

Fact learned today: When heated, copper changes colours in a pretty specific order. Because of this, there are artists making beautifully coloured copper pieces, made with heat and no dyes! I found this out because of @thecopperoasis on instagram, and I recommend looking at their work!

Reading today: Chemistry by Weike Wang .

Watched __ while writing this entry: I truly hope your small business fails by Casey Simpson