30th

It’s meivakantie (May vacation, mandatory 1 week off!) right now in the Netherlands. Many schools have two weeks, but I only have one since my summer vacation will be longer. This vacation will be extended by 2 days, 1 day for mysterious reason (I looked it up, it might be a extra just for the fuck of it) and 5 May for bevrijdingsdag (liberation day, ww2-related).

I’m honestly quite glad that the vacation isn’t longer than this. School is difficult for me, I always seem too tired for it, but when I stay home I feel bored and restless. This is my last semester of my first year, and we’re getting to some topics I find interesting. Practicals are my favourite thing, and for biology we’re focusing on microbiology, for chemistry we’re focusing on water research using titrations, and different machines on the lab, focusing on using acidic and basic solutions, and for Algemeen (basically a subject that teaches basic skills in biology, chemistry, and some extra things helpful in the field) we’re also doing water research using both biological and chemical techniques.

I like Algemeen the most, ever since last period. For every practical we do, we need to turn in a lab journal that says everything we did and found during our experiments, but for Algemeen we won’t have to do that. We need to turn in an essay instead, which is basically a slightly expanded lab journal. We had to do this last semester, too, but a shorter one. I loved it, and got good feedback (no grade?).

Chemistry is also more interesting than last semester. We needed to fill in our own planning, so we got to choose which experiments we did which weeks. It’s better this way, because we’re completely independent. Usually, lab begins with a whole explanation from the teacher, and we can’t get started until that’s done. But now we can get started whenever we’re ready, as long as we prepared right and thought of potential questions.

Anyways. I just like school lately. For the second year I’ll have to move to a location in Arnhem (~1 hour away by public transport) because of the course direction I decided to take. I think it will be alright, I won’t have to wake up much earlier than I do now. I’ve been thinking about the site a lot. Currently, it’s only the book reviews and writing (and now this journal/thought page), but I do want to do more stuff. Maybe science-related. The thing is, I don’t have one specific niche I’m interested in. I’m not very interested in theory at all, I love practicals more than anything. I might make a section in which I can summarise interesting practicals I’ve done, but I don’t know yet. I think the expansion will happen during the summer, maybe earlier if I stop feeling so overwhelmed by everything.

I’ll figure out what to do. For now, I’ll try to keep this section updated as well. I’ve been procrastinating for a while, too. We’ll see what summer brings.

Listened to ___ while writing this: Girl Singing in the Wreckage [Black Box Recorder] & Smalfilm [Spinvis].

Currently reading: The Forbidden Garden of Leningrad [Simon Parkin], nearly done.

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Drink: Red Bull, Sudachi-Lime. New flavour, reminds me of waterijsjes (Ice Pops?) I used to have when I was a kid. My mom (certified energy-drink hater) agrees!

1st

Making this site is quite hard, considering the kind of person I am.

I feel boring, in the most basic way possible. I don’t have a favourite anything. I listen to a handful of artists at a time, a group that only occasionally changes, and from those artists I barely even listen to a full album.

I’m not uniquely passionate about any topic in science, even though I feel like I should be considering the fact I want to work in science. When I read, I try to read a variety of topics but end up reading things talking about the same theme over and over, before moving on to another one. When I get into something, I get into it for a moment before moving on.

I wish I could just focus on one thing and make it my everything. I want to have a site dedicated to one interesting thing, a thing that can pull people in and introduce them to what I love. But that’s not who I am currently. I might not be able to change it. And though I’ve been calling myself boring, I don’t think that’s actually what I am. That’s what I thought I was like, yesterday, an opinion I changed right before opening the document I’m writing this in.

I like talking to my friends about random things, dropping bits of knowledge to my mother about topics I read about or learned about in school. I have music I enjoy, even though it’s not “niche”, even though I can’t call myself a fan of any bands (except maybe Blur, I’ve listened to the entirety of 13, and most of Parklife, The Great Escape and Modernlife is Rubbish. I prefer their 90s music). I have interests, but instead of having one or two that run deep, I have many that are kind of surface level. Is that bad? I don’t think so. I’m not an expert on anything, but I’m not claiming to be.

My personality isn’t a specific scientific field, or a specific genre of books or a specific genre of music or a specific movie or a niche hobby. My personality is the fact that I can stick to many things and enjoy them. I can find new interests and engage with them until I no longer want to. I’m a little bug, in a way, a curious cat who will not be killed.

It’s not something I’m up to right this second, at seven p.m. on a Friday, on the first of the month. But I want to make a list about things I’d like to learn about and talk about on here, just to find the direction of this site. I feel like this site is a place to share book reviews and my writings first, and a personal thing second. I’d like to lean into the personal bits equally, since I don’t have many people I can share myself with.

That’s it.

Also, I kind of like perfume. I have three working ones right now — Midnight Cherry, Rich Tobacco Blend and Golden Nectar. All of them are from Kruidvat, a drug store near me that carries both expensive and inexpensive perfumes (I but the inexpensive ones). Golden Nectar is the one I bought today for €11,99 (usually they’re ~€14,99, but it’s nearly mother’s day so a lot of stuff is on sale), and it’s by Jawhara which isn’t popular to my knowledge but who cares. I think it smells nice, and if other people think it smells “cheap” they can believe this. Perfumes are supposed to represent the person wearing them in a way, and I’m pretty cheap myself so it fits perfectly.

Now, I’m really done.

Listened to ___ while writing this: I Love You [Fontaines D.C.] & Better in the Dark [TV Girl]

Currently reading: The Last Green Valley [Mark T. Sullivan].

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Drink: Nothing, spent too much money for a fun drink today.

2nd

Ideas for the site:

• Separate nonfiction books by topics
• Redecorate current pages (homepage already done)
• Something knowledge-related, but I have no idea what yet. Maybe something to do with science, maybe something to do with the nonfiction I read, maybe both.

5 things I want to read about in nonfiction:

1. The Red Scare
2. Israel’s genocide of Palestinians
3. The Radium Girls
4. Japanese fascism
5. Marie Skłodowska-Curie

I can’t wait for the summer. I think I’ll really be able to let the site bloom. I have no prior history with coding, so it’s difficult to decide what to do when I don’t even really know what I can do. But I don’t think this place has to be complicated, as long as I feel like it represents me.

I also want to find a place where I can put down all the creative ideas I have regarding writing. I have another short story (part of Soft Bellied Monster) finished but haven’t gotten to formatting it yet.

Listened to ___ while writing this: Nothing, watching YouTube instead

Currently reading: The Last Green Valley [Mark T. Sullivan].

Relatable image:

Drink: Nothing fun, thinking about going to the store today